Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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