but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
