Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
