My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
