me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
