There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude. I can hear the air.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
