my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
