I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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