It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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