so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
