Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize