I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
