I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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