All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize