I wanna bring you to show and tell
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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