I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
