My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
