I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
