What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
