I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think a kid would responsible me up
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
