I want to make a zoo with you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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