Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
