I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
