I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
