So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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