I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
