I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
