i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
