This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
