WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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