I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
