The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
