In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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