You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
