She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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