Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
