I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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