I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
