Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
