I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's a Shit stain on my heart
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
