apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
