Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
