I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
