i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
