the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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