nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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