Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
