return my video game
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
