just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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