So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You took a bar mat shot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize