Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
is it fun? or sober?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
