I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
