Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How does it feel to date your dad?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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