my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i would punch a child for taco bell
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
