In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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