and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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