super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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