all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sext me about skeletons
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
