If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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