dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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