dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
