u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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