Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize