an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
