return my video game
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
