You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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