The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
