I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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