4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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