I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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