remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
