the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
