And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize