You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
