there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
