I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
