so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
