from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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