Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
