a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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